“Growing Well is a very special place and I feel privileged to be able to come. It’s made my life better than it’s been for a long, long time. It’s been a turning point in my life. I can never say thank you enough for what they have done for me.”
Helen [not her real name] has struggled with depression for most of her adult life, the roots of which she traces back to a childhood overshadowed by what she considered more intelligent siblings.
Helen says: “In the 1970s and 80s mental health was a taboo subject. You were stigmatised and there was no help available. The stigma is going now, but it’s still there.
“I have good days and bad days. Just prior to the first lockdown I had a real big blip then lockdown was the start of a massive black hole. I became terrified of life. I wasn’t eating or sleeping. I was introverted, I was a mess. The future was black, there was no future.
“It’s not been easy; there are times when I have sat and cried but here nobody thinks any the worse of you. Someone will talk to you, you are never on your own.”
“When we started coming out of lockdown I couldn’t even answer the phone. If the doorbell rang I hid; I didn’t go out. I have got a hugely supportive husband and some close friends, not many, but the ones I have are fantastic.
“Growing Well was suggested to me and when I put it to my doctor she said do it. I knew I wanted to get better but it has taken the best part of 40 years to find the way.
“The first month at Growing Well was a blur. I didn’t really speak. I did what I needed to do and I went home, but from day one being out in the fresh air, hearing the laughter and feeling cared about was there and gradually the more I came, the more the blackness turned to grey and the future… well there was a future. As time has gone on, with the fantastic care of the other volunteers and brilliant staff, I have come out the other side.
“It’s not been easy; there are times when I have sat and cried but here nobody thinks any the worse of you. Someone will talk to you, you are never on your own.
“Everyone you work with accepts you for who you are. No-one has preconceptions. Being accepted as noisy, clumsy me has been wonderful. The whole ethos allows you to be you. Not everybody shares their story and I have learned to be ready to listen to others and to be more tolerant.
“The staff aren’t just great on the horticultural side, in which they are knowledgeable and passionate, but they also all genuinely care. Actually being shown how to do things and through the gentle learning and acceptance, I have been able to hold my head up again.
“I love digging and planting and I’m learning to drive the tractor. I like being physically tired at the end of the day. I really enjoy it because you are learning all the time and there is a lot of laughter here.
“I go home now with knowledge having learned new things, feeling tired but smiling, happy and looking forward to the next time. My husband says he can tell I have had a good day by the smile on my face. As long as you put a lot of yourself into it you can get so much out.
“I’ve been here a year and I would love to stay but there are other people waiting to come in. I started a job for three months last year doing two days a week in a cafe. I would like to get another part-time job and I am doing a bit of voluntary work. If you had asked me a year ago if I had wanted to look for a job I would’ve said don’t be so stupid.
“Growing Well is a very special place and I feel privileged to be able to come. It’s made my life better than it’s been for a long, long time.
“It’s been a turning point in my life. I can never say thank you enough for what they have done for me.”
First published in Cumbria Life, October 2022